During a recent visit to Hamilton College in New York, Barack Obama offered a rare and honest glimpse into his marriage with Michelle Obama. While speaking on topics ranging from policy to global affairs, what struck the audience most was his candid reflection on married life.

“I was in a deep deficit with my wife,” Obama admitted in conversation with College President Steven Tepper. “So I’ve been trying to dig myself out of that hole by doing occasionally fun things.”

It was a humble acknowledgment of the personal toll that eight years in the White House—and decades in public life—took on their relationship. Married since 1992, the Obamas have long inspired many, yet they’ve also been refreshingly open about their struggles.

Michelle, for instance, has joked about her husband’s laid-back “island time” mentality. “He’d start getting ready at 3, when 3 was the time we were leaving,” she once laughed on her podcast.

Still, Obama’s working to improve—both on timekeeping and in his marriage.

Now focused on family and writing the second volume of his memoirs, Obama seems just as committed to keeping things right at home. His honesty reminds us: strong relationships require effort, growth, and a good sense of humor.